What do you when you discover that the person you love has been lying and keeping secrets? When you have been utterly betrayed and your heart has been broken to the point that for this specific relationship it's unmendable? Trust and honesty are the foundation of a relationship and without a stable foundation anything you attempt to build on it will certainly crumble, regardless of how hard you try to build.
Things have gotten so awkward and hostile between us. I have no trust for him anymore. Even my feelings of love have turned to hate. Maybe not hate, but animosity for sure. I just feel so stupid, so played, so used, so ashamed. I am super honest; I've always been that way. I don't even movie hop because it makes me feel guilty.
I'm probably going to jump all over in stories and topics I can tell already. She has always been there, even when she wasn't, and she always finds a way back. I can't make him feel for me the things he felt (feels) for her. So why should I settle for less? Why should I feel inferior?
I deserve to be happy and in love. I deserve to have a guy, especially him, feel and say those same things for me. Especially since he was the one who wanted to marry me. He asked me. I feel like it's all been a sham. Like he used me to help get his mind of her, like I was a convenient distraction. But obviously I wasn't good enough and I wasn't able to maintain his focus.
8:16 p.m. - 2011-06-25
Recent entries:
40 Days & Nights - 2014-04-23
The Bee's Knees - 2014-04-16
Dominican Republic Bound! - 2014-04-14
You Look Familiar - 2014-03-12
Single - 2011-09-27
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