As the year comes to a close, let us reflect on the year thus far:
Most Annoying person of 2004 is and always will be Jennifer Lopez, Aka J-Lo. Aka Jennifer Whorepez, Aka, J-Hoe. I don�t know about you, but personally I feel like I have been stalked by her for the entire year and I should probably press charges and put a restraining order against her. Everywhere I turn she�s there. On my TV, the radio, in the stores, in my mail box. Ugh! Will someone please do away with this woman!
Ok I feel better now. I have learned some interesting this year and now I will now pass them on to you. Listen well my little grasshopper�.
1. If you use public transportation and need cash to buy a new car then this will work. Wearing head phones and talking on your cell phone dart out in front of the bus into traffic in a residential area where the speed limit it only 30 mph into a car. The car does not hit you so you don�t get ran over, just run into the side of the car enough to bounce you off. Even though you were not paying attention, even though you ran into the car from behind a bus where no one could do anything about it, and even though everyone says that it�s clearly your fault, if you hire a lawyer you will win. Just call 1-800-ask-gary. Don�t be Scarred and Confused!
2. No matter how great of an employee you are at your job, if you don�t kiss ass, especially to the people you hate, you will never progress at the work place. Don�t believe me? Next year make a resolution to kiss the asses of the people who you can�t stand, and watch your career and pay soar. Proven fact. Tested and true by yours truly.
3. When traveling, NEVER rely of Orbitz.com unless you want poor customer service and would like to be stranded in a foreign country. Always use Expedia.com and fly with American Airlines.
4. No matter how much you get along with you �significant� others family/parents, it is ALWAYS a bad idea to live right next door/adjacent to them. If you do, I suggest a high sturdy fence and a pit bull to steer them away.
5. Christmas trees and potato chips are highly flammable and are a great resource for igniting firewood in the fireplace.
6. Never pay retail price for an item at the store, you can always get it cheaper online from Ebay or Amazon. Especially camera/video cell phones and video games!
7. Yu-Gi-Oh is a brainwashing tactic used by the Japanese to trap our kids into forcing us to pay $5 for 9 cards when all the other card games are half the price.
8. Cigars and smoking in general is really gross, but Sour Apple Philly Blunts are actually pretty good. But I can only do about � of it before it makes me sick, so a good thing to do is suck on a mint the entire time to keep the taste out of your mouth.
9. If you want to pretend you are VIP for one night to see how the other half lives, just go to a club spend lots of money and sign your card completely different and then report your card stolen the next day. :o) But you didn�t hear that from me.
10. And last but not least, Sugar and Caffeine are as addictive if not more than drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes and breaking those habits are very hard. You will suffer, and you will go insane, but in the rewards are worth it! Especially if combines with light exercise, like walking or riding a bike. You can eat bread!!