I am a four letter word.
This word begins with the letter "L"
and the second letter is an "O"
But it's not the four letter word that you would think. But oh how wonderful it would be if I could be that word.
That's all I want really. Is to feel and embody all that that those four tiny letters so eloquently arranged define.
Do you know how long it's been since I've truly had that raw emotion? I've only felt it three times in my life. And the first time I still wonder if that's what it was because I was very young. But there are two times I can honestly say 100% I did.
Oh it was magical. Like a Utopia in my soul. I felt it, literally inside my body, in the center of my chest, bursting from the inside out.
And not just for one day, or a week, or even during a certain time. No these emotions festered for months on end.
But it's been almost 9 years since I felt those initial feelings. The ones that feel like sparklers in your heart. That word which makes you feel rich on your poorest day. Those four letters, that not matter how horrible the world may be, makes you feel like you're in the most perfect of places.
But that's not the word I am today. That's the word I long for. That word would be my salvation, my sanctuary.
This word I am is not bright, it's not happy, it's not pleasant.
It's dark. It's empty. It's a void.
And that's exactly what I feel. I huge whole in the center of my body, as if in my soul.
Incomplete. Something is missing.
Lots of things are missing actually. I'm not quite sure how though. I don't even know at what point along the way I lost them so I can't even go back to try to find them.
I give up. I never give up. I never have. But I think it's time.
10:09 p.m. - 2010-04-14
Recent entries:
Single - 2011-09-27
Hurt - 2011-06-25
Put a fork in it - 2010-04-19
Trying to hard??? - 2010-04-18
Invisible - 2010-04-15
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